Trash Talk: Where Self-Help Cliches Go to Die
What if the so-called “truths” about growth and success are actually keeping you playing small?
On Trash Talk, hosts Erica Breuer and Erin Thomas unpack empty platitudes and tired cliches that dominate the business and personal development world. These ideas might be popular, but that doesn’t mean they’re useful.
Who listens to Trash Talk?
- Skeptics and Questioners of hollow advice
- Those asking why self-help advice fails
- People done with toxic self-help culture
- Anyone who wants a place to finally talk openly about all the advice that makes you roll your eyes
Trash Talk: Where Self-Help Cliches Go to Die
“You’re Not the Main Character in Other People’s Stories.”
Erica and Erin dig into the viral #maincharacterenergy phenomenon, weighing its appeal, its dark side, and what it really means to claim agency in your own life. Together, they ask the question that underlies it all: just who decides who gets to be the main character anyway?
Reviews help, but your weird, wild, or painfully familiar cliches are the real gold.
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Links & resources
Narcissism and Agency https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702617725537
Cornell Study https://arxiv.org/abs/2403.19037
Read Erin's article in Marketing, Media, & Money https://pattyfarmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/M3-Mag-Q3-2025-AUGUST-Final.pdf
Oh and watch Dinner in America https://www.dinnerinamerica.com/
Trash Talk | Episode 24 | October 2025
Episode Summary:
In this episode, Erica and Erin dive into the viral admonishment, “You’re not the main character in other people’s stories,” exploring its appeal, its pitfalls, and the cultural context behind it. They explore how confidence can tip into ego, the psychological implications of main character energy, and how to claim agency without misusing the concept. From Wolf of Wall Street to Schitt’s Creek, they break down the appeals, pitfalls, and cultural context behind main character energy.
Table of Contents
- Intro
- Exposition: Origins of the Cliché
- Main Topic 1: The Power of Main Character Energy
- Main Topic 2: When the Advice Becomes Harmful
- Key Takeaways
- Call to Action
Intro
Erin: Welcome to Trash Talk! Today we’re exploring a piece of advice you’ve probably heard before: “You’re not the main character in other people’s stories.” It’s supposed to be a reality check, a boundary, a call to chill. But, like most advice, it’s more complicated than it seems.
Erica: And on the flip side, there’s “main character energy”—that vibe when someone is self-assured, self-actualized, fully owning their story. Today, we’re going to break down both sides, and ask: who decides who gets to be the main character, anyway?
Exposition: Origins of the Cliché
Erin: Today, the hashtag #maincharacterenergy has over 780 million views on TikTok. The advice “You’re not the main character in other people’s stories” became popular on Twitter and Tumblr in the early 2010s, but “main character energy” really peaked in 2021 during the pandemic.
Erica: Thinking about those ideas side by side ties my brain in a knot. Who decides who gets to be the main character? How do we even know which story we’re in?
Main Topic 1: The Power of Main Character Energy
Erin: I’m for it. Main character energy can be powerful—especially in seasons where life feels like it’s happening to you. It reminds you that you’re never stuck. You can pick up the pen, change the scene, recast the role.
Psychology backs this up. Self-determination theory shows that agency is key to mental health. There’s a difference between agency and narcissism.
A 2021 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people with healthy self-agency set goals, make intentional choices, and own their missteps. Narcissism, in contrast, is about entitlement and controlling others—not your own life.
Erica: So the danger comes when main character energy is misapplied—used as a free pass for ego-driven chaos.
Erin (anecdote): A recent magazine feature about collaboration made me revisit past partnerships where I realized I wasn’t steering the ship—or that the other person had quietly exited. I had to remind myself: I am always the main character in my story. I am never the main character in theirs. Painful but freeing.
Erica: I track with that. The advice can be freeing—it inspires agency—but it also creates egotistical chaos when misused. And in our hyperconnected world, you are part of other people’s stories whether you like it or not.
Erin: Where have you seen this play out in your life?
Erica: So many times. Collaborations where I wasn’t aligned, family dynamics where my role was assigned rather than claimed. That stuff hurts, and the phrase “you’re not the main character in their story” can feel dismissive.
Main Topic 2: When the Advice Becomes Harmful
Erica: Where this cliché breaks down for me is in its isolating effect. It disguises a boundary as humility. Pew Research (2022) found that 51% of Gen Z women have felt embarrassed or judged for being “too confident” online.
Erin: Right. Taken out of context, it’s har
